London Transport

Today I want to talk to my friends and the one lost Swedish tourist looking for cheap bus tickets to Stromstad on this blog about about something which i only recently came into contact with, London Transport.

Now immediately most of you were taken to the tube.

The enigmatic, stylised and romantic Underground with its endless but metropolitan feeling stairs and the refreshing, sweeping draft from a train as it emerges onto a busy platform from the deep, dark, murky tunnels.

But what i have to talk isn't as pleasurable and nostalgic as that, no today i talk of something bigger, redder and nastier, possibly the uncoolest way of getting from Aldwych to Battersea.

The London Bus, as English as a Beefeater sitting in a queue talking about the rain.

Yet, I hate them with a passion.

All bus etiquette go's out the window when in London, I'm not talking about the traditional value of giving your seat to a lady or elderly gent i'm pleased to say a lot of that kinda thing go's on.

No i mean.....well for one lets say this, anywhere else if you get on a crowded bus and you are forced to sit next to a man who wants to tell you about his seashell and pritt stick business who smells faintly of cress when someone gets up and leaves the carriage you still feel morally obliged to stay there as if to save the mans feelings.

Not here, the mere sniffter of another seat and people can be scene throwing handbags, spouses and children at the vacancy in a vain bid to nab it regardless of the hurt feelings for their former neighbour who they are so heavily underlining that they hate.

I saw a man look visibly jarred by a woman moving from a seat next to him to another seat WITH SOMEONE ELSE IN THE OTHER SEAT!!!!!

The audacity! At first i thought she may have known the man but no, silence from both of them.

She did it with no hint of awkwardness or acknowledgement of her social faux pas.

How dare she make a judgement of his character or intentions without speaking to him, and before you comment he walked past me when getting off and he smelt fine (although i did have a quiet moment to think "i'm sniffing bus patrons know am i??").

It riled me as a similar thing happened to me last week when i was sat on the bus with the last vacant seat next to me, (an already upsetting fact) when a lady, it must be said a rather attractive lady (a BUPA lady if you get the reference) got on, took one look at me and decided to stand up instead, for 25 minutes.

At this point i should point out I was on the top deck of the bus at this time.

Your not aloud to stand on the top deck of a bus, its actually illegal.

This women would rather break the Queen's law than sit next to me on a bus, thats a bad sign.

Its at this point in my week that I ended up thinking "Fuck it, i'm gonna start sniffing people."

10 things I want in my house that my girlfriend won’t

1. Firemans pole
2. Stormtrooper guards
3. Observatory
4. Scuba diving tank
5. X wing flight simulator
6. Hammock gym
7. Nuclear Bunker
8. Secret lair
9. A divisionary secret lair for if she ever found the other one.
10. Comic book/Soda Library

Any other suggestions?

5 things modern men should ever do (in my opinion)

I'm a stupid idiot. Its a proven fact, so what do you care about my pet peeves that men do now, you don't!

But this may be the four minutes in between you looking at porn and you looking at porn so...

things men should never do in my opinion

5. wear sunglasses indoors unless you are on many debilitating drugs

4. take debilitating drugs

3. wear a t shirt says that brags about how virile you are

2. have a online nickname with 69 in it

1. own a Zac Efron movie

oh and talk about roads its very very boring, no one tells you to be nice buts its boring, technically this is six but you can now go back to pornhub. Enjoy!

Reasons to still be proud of being British. Reason Number 2

In making this list we had to find someone who was quintessentially British. An individual who, if their were an apocalypse, would be the first person on the Darting Dash ark to our new land of..... erm....... ohhhhh.......Britain mark 2??? .......no thats terrible ......get back to me

That man was Stephen Fry.

Born in 1957 he was immediately described as “a baby” and “having a bit of wind”, a little latter he was more impressively pronounced a national treasure and a man who is the very epitome of a “renaissance man” and here is why:

Few men or women the world over have achieved the wonderful mix of a brilliant mind, a natural wit, impeccable moral compass and extraordinary verbal dexterity to achieve the admiration of both prince and pauper, fast food worker and university professor.

His ability to reason a convincing argument is second only to prowess at making the consumer of one his books, TV shows, films, audiobooks, tweets and podgrams understand not only the complexities of his idea but the nuances of the subject matter in general.

From Cambridge Footlights his prospects were shimmering and along with university friend Hugh Laurie achieved success in a bit of Fry and Laurie and Jeeves and Wooster, then as Lord and General Melchett in Blackadder.

He was now a household name but it was the 00’s where he achieved his god like status. Through his twittering, podcasts and advocacy of Apple Mac products he has became the icon of a new online generation. In this new environment he flourished and he proceeds to educate and entertain now the entire world.

The reason he is in this list is because he is the very personalisation of the modern British gent and a bloody good ambassador for blighty.

He’s witty, erudite, well-groomed, forward thinking, clever,fair minded and most importantly kind. We are no longer the world’s conqueror and we can no longer have that god given belief that we are superior and he does not. He is liberal and open minded but seems still to look back at Britain’s heritage with a learned admiration.

His mere presence demands admiration and put simply we believe the world would be a better place if we were all a bit more like him (were sure if he were to read this article his modesty and intellect would think the idea ghastly however).

Reasons to still be proud of being British. Reason Number 1

It’s a summers day in a field in frankly the middle of nowhere in southern England, the sun is glistening (for one of the four days it does).

Hay fever suffers are looking forlorn and hate filled and there is a distinct lack of adult supervision for the kid trying to kick me in the shin. This is however all forgotten in a moment when nine red blips appear over the horizon, it’s the red arrows.

The team that has entertained the nation and represented British culture, style, grace and talent all over the world since 1964 roars into view in their trademark Hawk fighter jets and buzz past the crowd to the delight of both six year old boy and 70 year old veteran alike.

The cheers and gasps start instantly. Even the trendy kids who try relentlessly to kick against the system stop and stare as they implement their perfectly honed jet fuelled dance act.

The Arrows typify “britishness” from the their conception down to the very weave of their uniforms.

They were formed in 1964 from the remnants of three unofficial RAF aerobatic teams that had no real moxy to them and were amalgamated into the organization they are today.

They were to be painted red as it was judged to be the best colour for being seen in the UK sky and were soon entertaining millions with the daredevil antics that made stuntmen look like bin men.

They have been a steadfast in British culture and society in times when there wasn’t much joy and admiration about. They have not bowed to cultural pressure to seem cool by having lady ga ga painted to the underside of the plane. They have simply pushed the boundaries of human endurance and showmanship to entertain the 60’s short trousered schoolboy to the 00’s flop haired emo, a feat not replicated by anything government run before or since.

The Hawk TK mark1 aircraft themselves are entirely British in their design and manufacture and have a somewhat understated look which with the bold, simple and without fuss paint job create a striking image that recently entertained crowds in America and Europe.

After the smoke trails have dissipated and the jet engine scream has hushed what do these men do? They simply land, shake hands and go home. They do not expect a ticker tape parade or screaming women. They just modestly tell each other well done and go to their wives, twitching the moustaches and flicking back their scarves as they go …I like to think.

The Red Arrows are a testament to what Britain can and should be; crisp, bold, simple, respectful and oh so brilliant whilst always modest and valiant. >-

What's Darting Dash???

Hey their you, welcome to my blog, i assume that no one will ever actually read this post or maybe the blog itself but i'll carry on regardless.

Welcome to Darting Dash!

My blog into pretty much anything that may interest someone, somewhere, Their will be articles i have written, questions/debates i ask readers to help answer and lots of lists in my effort to organize modern life for your guys or as i will call the collective you Dashers.

If you will indulge me and read/subscribe please give me some constructive criticism as i need to learn what you readers want.

Cheers